I am so worried about my husband and daughter and the pressure of my state of health that my mind is in constant turmoil. I am so dependant on Dick for almost everything - I feel guilty for the pressure that puts on him, especially now that it seems to me the mental health department is determined to use my husband and daughter as their "whipping boys."

Both my husband and my daughter are so depressed I don't know what will happen to them. It seems like the people who are supposed to help them absolutely will not, but instead are causing them great distress.

My daughter wants a different counselor. Pam Stallings has been using a confrontational approach to help her recover from years of physical and emotional abuse. It isn't working. Susie asked first me and then my husband to help her. Pam allowed me to attend part of one counseling session with my daughter then refused to let her have anyone come to another session as an advocate, even the woman from Catalyst, the shelter for battered women, a woman who is Pam's peer. We don't understand, to this day why my daughter's rights are not being taken care of. Pam was confusing and frightening Susie, still is, and the mental health system won't allow her to get a different therapist, one who cares about her. When all else failed, she took my husband with her to an appointment with Pam because he has bee a mental health client himself - at Butte Co. Mental Health - for over 20 years and was on the Butte Co. Mental Health Board most of those years. He is familiar with the patients' rights from both the clients and the institutional perspective. That day in October when he blew up over Pam's refusal to let him sit in on Susie's session, even through Susie requested it and had the counselor from Catalyst there who she (Pam) also refused to let help with Susie. Why she lied to my husband about Susie having made agreements concerning myself, my daughter and my therapist he flew into a rage and broke holes in the walls and broke the glass in some pictures. In all this, his watch, a Christmas present from Susie fell off. He was afraid of what might happen next, that the police would be called and he would be incarcerated either at the PHR or jail. He was afraid to try to get them to help him at the time, although Tim Quinn, who had once counseled Dick and myself, knew Dick well, and could have helped him immensely by helping him process what had happened - I thin the people there - at the facility are trained to deal with patients' outbursts. With Dick, once the minute the rage ends he is very remorseful and sometimes suicidal. He's afraid of being shot by the police as he best friend, also bipolar, was in 1989. He knew that his friend Dan and hi his family had tried desperately to get help for months leading up to the night he was shot. That was a life-changing event for Dick. He has been so afraid that the police will kill him if he can't control his outbursts- he needs and wants help with his rage. I've heard of rage counseling, why hasn't it been offered to Dick? If you knew terribly much he cares about people in general, his family especially, and mental health clients, you would know what a good man he is. He's so dependable, has such fine values - why does this rage have to be all Butte Co. Behavioral Health is focusing on? What about all the time - maybe 15 years - he served on the Mental Health Board - the last year and a quarter as Chair, until my illness, my daughters problems and the stress of the position became such a burden that he had to give it up. Now, even though he is willing to try to pay for the damages, Butte County wants to prosecute him for an illness he has sought help from them for - for 21 years. Why weren't you able to help him? He has been willing to go to counseling, to take medication. He has searched the Internet for years for something that might help him. In the 8 years since we've been married, I've come to depend on Dick for everything during times when my several surgeries and my lupus and nearly constant infections have kept me bed bound. He is my Primary Home Health Care Provider. At this time, since I can't drive anymore because of failing eyesight, I can't walk far enough to go very far on my own so I don't use the bus service - he provides all my transportation, he does all my laundry, all my shopping, all of my cleaning, he helps me shower and dress, takes me to so many appointments I am ashamed, changes my bandages, takes care of all of my strange food - that includes 2 - 4 hours every other day of making juices that are 75% of my diet, he picks up my medications at the pharmacy and sets up my pills for a week at a time so I remember what to take. I can't imagine trying to get along without him. I am so afraid to try to get a stranger to help me should he become incarcerated - I can't even imagine trying. I have 3 surgeries coming up - left shoulder: advanced bursitis and typical bone, joint and tendon complications, left knee: damaged in severely in numerous falls, cancer: of the vaginal wall. Right now we are trying to heal the big toe on my right foot that became infected when I had surgery two months ago. I am worried about losing my toe - they had to do a second surgery on the toe in October, and I now have a staph infection again. After two and a half weeks of being very sick I am again on antibiotics.

My daughter is homeless part of the time. Some times she can afford a motel. My husband is up until midnight or later trying to work this situation with Butte Co. Behavioral Health in his head. Things were badly wrong even before his blowup and still are. Even though my daughter's mental state may take years to improve enough so she can function normally in daily life, Pam has persisted in talking D. Kendall into only signing her disability papers for a very short time in case she should not make it to all the meetings Pam has her scheduled to attend. Susie unquestionably has a major depression problem. Depression that severe often causes people's sleep patterns to be disrupted. Susie tends to sleep around the clock when she is stressor or more depressed. When she found out yesterday that Dr. Kendall messed up her disability by signing for a very short time, I was afraid she would just give up. My husband is so hurt to find out that even though he is trying to cooperate he will be prosecuted. We do understand that this could have been the outcome all along, but why couldn't they tell us they were going to press charges? It's not as thought the subject didn't come up over and over. We were already devastated. The fact that Dick will have to try to make some other arrangements to get his medication and treatment that he needs badly, more now that ever, the bills that I expect to be greatly inflated. I am so afraid for my husband. Butte Co. Behavioral Health is playing dirty in my opinion - weren't the "signed on" to help him? His counselor said he was no longer Dick's therapist, which turned to be a lie. Something else sticks in my mind: the way her fellow staff members rallied around Pam Stallings, the similarity in all their replies to me, makes me think there is something about her, personally, that every hopes to hide. I wonder how she has done as a clinician - her background? You know the saying "Me thinks thou doth protest too much"? Well that is how it feels. Either Pam Stallings or the Outpatient department in general has something else to defend.